Sleepless Nights

Now that the day has come and gone, I really regret posting about my stoooopid day care lady instead of talking about a really awesome day/anniversary!

October 30, 2012 - it's the day I found out I was going to have NOLAN!

How it all happened was kind of a little too planned out. When you're TTCing with such discipline that you know exactly the day that you could potentially get a positive HPT it almost makes it seem a little rigid. Well, I remember promising myself for some reason that I was going to wait until Halloween morning to take a pregnancy test. This way, there would be more of the hormone in my system that would give me a positive and I wouldn't get bummed out by a false negative result.

Well, when you buy your pregnancy tests on amazon at the whopping expense of $10 for 25 tests, it's not exactly cost prohibitive to take a test and think, "awww bummer, it's negative today, maybe it'll be positive tomorrow."

Nope.

Well, they say one of the earliest signs of pregnancy can be increase sense of smell. We have a candle in our room that's lilac scented, or it was once upon a time. It had been sitting on top of my dresser for months by that point, not being lit or touched in any way. But I walked passed it on the 29th before bed and smelled it just as strong as ever.

This is when your brain becomes a real scumbag and you get all excited about being pregnant - even though you don't know for sure yet.

I casually mentioned this to Brian before going to bed. Of course, like any potential father to be he fell directly asleep and had no problems staying asleep... *slight eye roll*... whereas I couldn't stop thinking about it and cursed myself for saying that I would wait another day to take a test.

Poppycock.

I don't need to wait a whole day...

I'll just get up in the middle of the night for my regularly scheduled bathroom break and take a test at 2am in the morning.

Yeah, I'll just take a test, set it on the counter, walk away, and then in the morning I'll see if there's a line or not. I'll just shut my eyes and go right to---

Oh, it's been 5 minutes, I better go to the bathroom again and see.

AND HOLY SHIT! It was the fakest, squintiest, could probably be mistaken for the dreaded "line eye" line I've ever seen. It was the first sight of my positive pregnancy test. And I couldn't believe it.

That was over a year ago now. And that was a sleepless night.

Now I'm thankful that I am still having sleepless nights. Although for a slightly different, yet very much related, reason.