I'm havin' a bad bad day

Warning: Long blog, very ranty, I won't be offended if you skip it.

Well, it's been more of a bad 2-3 weeks really... I'm fine at the moment but I've been on an emotional roller coaster now since May 26th.

On May 25th -
I am picking up Maxwell from daycare. The "teacher" asks me about adding formula to each bottle as Maxwell tends to cry after he's done with the bottle.

Let's back up.

On a good day I can pump 12 ounces at work. Then if I stay up til 10 (2.5 hours after Maxwell goes to bed) I can pump anywhere between 2-4 ounces more.

So when daycare was whining a few weeks back about how the 12 ounces I was giving Maxwell to drink per day wasn't cutting it I gave them 14 ounces. 4-3.5 ounce bottles. So I'm literally giving them all I got. And on the weekends I've never needed to supplement.

I get this feed report for the day:

Let's analyze the afternoon, shall we?

Between 1:00 and 3:15 (a total of 135 minutes or 2 hours 15 minutes however you prefer to look at it) my baby was given 9.5 ounces of milk.

Any lactation consultant/parenting expert/google search will tell you about 1-1.5 ounces/HOUR would be sufficient for a baby Maxwell's age. So they were OVERFEEDING MY BABY BIG TIME.

That night I thought about what I was going to do...

May 26th - The Drop Off
I drop Nolan off first and then go into Maxwell's room and... well...

I talk to the "teacher" about how much she's feeding Maxwell. I told her that 1.5 ounces/hour should be the goal and to try and sooth him in other ways. I also mentioned that he probably was tired and that's why he kept taking a bottle.

Then... Then.... THEN....

Oh my god.

I fully digest what I saw in the room when I first walked in. And I can't tell you how much I regret not having my phone in my pocket to take a picture of this... but there was a baby with a bottle propped in his mouth.

Not just propped.

FUCKING TIED AROUND HIS FACE!

TIED.
AROUND.
HIS.
FACE.

With a goddamn blanket.

THE BABY WAS BEING PROPPED ON A MOTHERFUCKING BOPPY WITH A GODDAMN BLANKET WRAPPED AROUND HIS FACE TO HOLD A BOTTLE IN HIS MOUTH SO IT WOULDN'T FALL OUT!!!!!!

I CALMLY had to ask, "how are you feeding Maxwell, are you holding him while he's eating or is he on the floor?"

"He's usually laying on the floor"

Guys, my BABY probably had a bottle tied around his face too. The fact that I didn't set this woman on fire, but instead remained cool, is a testament to how bad the daycare situation is in my town. I NEED a place to take my kids. This is the only place in Ames that I could get into.

DEEP BREATH.

Ok, so I tell her "can you please start holding him while you're feeding him instead?"

She said ok like it was no big deal.

So I was ok with her answer and I left.

Guys, I didn't take the bottle out of that baby's mouth. The award for worst mom ever goes to... oh great... me.

As I'm driving out of the parking lot and I hit the first light I grabbed my phone. The owners surely need to know about this. I quickly google "propping a bottle"

So I'm validated. My feeling about the propped up bottle is now confirmed. I turned my phone to my contacts list and dialed the daycare center directly. The daughter of the owner answers and I pretty much have this conversation:

Me: Hi, so I just dropped Maxwell off in your infant room and I noticed that the "teacher" had a bottle propped in the baby's mouth and it honestly TERRIFIES me that you're doing this. Babies need to be held. When you're paying a premium for infant daycare they should get a little bit more than this. I feel like I'm dropping my children off at an orphanage with the level of human touch that propping a bottle gives.
Daycare: Woah, blah blah blah feigned concern that sounded genuine, the woman who gives us our license has told us that we shouldn't do that. I'll talk to her.
Me: Thank you.

I feel a sense of relief as I hang up. I honestly feel like she's taking my concern seriously.

But remember when I said that I didn't realize exactly how bad propping a bottle was? I mean, I knew it was bad... but  how bad was it really?

Let's take a horrifying walk down memory lane.

*la de dah, it's the day you're going to meet the infant daycare "teacher" you're starting care NEXT WEEK with Maxwell and you just want to make sure you've got your ducks in a row when you drop him off"
Me: blah blah blah, what do I need to bring?
"Teacher": Oh this and this and blah blah blah [meanwhile, she takes a blanket and twists it until it's a tight spiral and makes a "U" shape out of it and places it on a baby's chest while he's laying in a swing. She puts the bottle on the U and keeps talking to me]

Shakes head and zaps to present time.

HOLY FUCK. She propped a bottle right in front of me. I KNEW it was wrong at the time. I KNEW I should have said something but I didn't. I thought "well, I guess that a center has so many kids to adults, maybe they just do this so they can change diapers or whatever else the other babies need"

At least one other time in my memory do I remember seeing another baby with a propped bottle.

Three times.

Third time's a charm, I guess?

I get a call back from the daycare around 8:30am that morning. She tells me that they've removed that "teacher" from the room.

Ok, this is where I'm going to skip over the details because in the scheme of things the rest of what happened doesn't matter.

We're hiring a nanny. We've found a great college student who can work full time this summer for not much more than this daycare center was charging. It'll be tight, but we can make it work. But she can't start for two weeks.

Today I'm having a bad bad day because I don't know how to address this with the daycare at the moment. I officially need them for another 2 weeks as I don't have alternate care. I know they know I've been concerned about safety, and for good reason. I don't know how to tell them we're through. I kind of want to wait until the Friday when we're done and say "peace" but I also don't want to end on rough terms for some reason.

Ok, so if you made it through this blog I commend you... this was probably very hard to read and I'm sure you were yelling at me through your computer screen. Soooooo yeah...

I promise a more positive blog for my next one.