Thankful

Even in trying times like what me and my husband have been through over this last week, I can't help but feel thankful for a few things...

• A husband that cares for me, never made me feel at fault for the miscarriage, and who was able to take time off of work to mourn the loss of our pregnancy with me.
• The fact that I had a relatively uninvasive procedure after finding out I miscarried - I never got cut open or needed stiches. I am healing with relatively no pain.
• Knowing that my husband and I CAN get pregnant and that we don't have issues of infertility to battle.
• The sad fact of the matter is that there was probably something chromosomally wrong with our child. While this isn't happy to accept, it does make sense that she was sent to heaven instead of living with a life of pain.
• Having the miscarriage earlier in pregnancy vs. a still birth later on. I can only imagine the pain that those women feel... One one message board I saw someone was 36 weeks along in her pregnancy when they found out they lost their baby. I pray that this never happens to me or anyone else, but the sad fact is that it does happen.
• While I would never wish this experience upon anyone, I am extremely grateful that I am not alone here. I find the support from message boards, friends that came out of the woodwork to share their experiences, my family and friends that haven't experienced this type of loss - they were all very supportive and made me feel very loved during this time.

Something that has been very hard for me has been facing some sadness while looking at other's happiness. I know it sounds so selfish to think this but I do. It's been very difficult for me to even log onto facebook for fear of seeing baby pictures, ultrasounds, pregnancy announcements etc. So if you're trying to get a hold of me, try email or texting - I'm boycotting facebook for a while until I can start to feel happy for everyone else's happiness. This is not meant to make anyone feel they need to stifle their happiness, by all means. Just know that for me during this time - it's been very difficult to see certain things.

Today was a very good day. To get my mind off of things I went to DSM and spend the day with friends grilling, playing volleyball, chatting, and catching some sunblock protected rays. I came home covered in sand because I bit the dust quite a few times in stretching for the volleyball on the hot as lava sand. Today was also the week anniversary of me finding out about our loss. While it makes the day hard to swallow, it was great spending it with friends instead of at home moping about my life.

What happened did suck, but I have so much to be thankful for.