Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

I just want to gently recap the terrible horrible day I had yesterday, mostly because it wasn't so terrible that I don't want to remember it. There was some funny stories to come out of it too. But here goes:

6:00 Wake up, get ready - blah blah... We're expecting painters to arrive first thing and I want the house to be somewhat presentable (read: no dirty underwear on the floor)

8:05 Text the contractor what the ETA is of the crew, he says between 9-10... groan to self but recognize that this gives me a unique glimpse into the life before Nolan was born when Brian and I would just lazily sit and watch TV while I meow at him... or tickle each other. We're weird. 

10:00 Text the contractor again, they still haven't shown up. He said "They'll be there shortly"

11:00 Still no painters... by this time I'm getting upset... I'm wasting my vacation time to sit at home and watch Netflix. Not that I'm complaining but I am very busy at work so that's kind of a pain. I'm getting the impression that he's just dicking me around as previous conversations also included the question, "what day works for you to get your house painted?" TODAY works for me butthead. That's why I've wasted 3 hours at home instead of working when I'm busy. I've already committed to today, jerkface, so anything other than today is unacceptable. I text him again, "They're still not here. Can you give me a concrete time they'll arrive? You said 'shortly' before and it's been nearly an hour."

11:30 No response from the most recent text. So I call him. No answer. I turn on Friends on Netflix. Oh, it's the one where Monica bumps Ben's head on the beam. Hilarious. My mood lightens up.

12:00 No call back from the guy. It's clearly a cell phone so he has to know that I called. It rang a bunch so I'm fairly certain that the call connected. I definitely heard his voicemail but didn't leave a message before. I'm calling him back again... Ahh he answers. The convo went a little something like this:

Me: So what gives?

Painter: When would work for you to get your house painted?
Me: I don't trust you to give me a window of time that would actually work for me. I've already wasted a half day of my vacation time for your guys. 

Painter: Well if you don't trust us then maybe we shouldn't work together.

Me: Yeah, that's pretty much what I've been thinking all morning.

... ... ... silence, so he's not going to try to win my business instead he's like SCREW YOU

Me: hangs up phone.

The phone call felt like a weird combination of breaking up with someone and me firing someone. Did he expect me to beg his forgiveness that I dare question his methods of scheduling painters?

He texts me later, basically saying that since I couldn't trust him then the work that they did wouldn't be trusted either and that's why he didn't think we should work together. I called him out for being deceitful, and disrespectful of my time. 

12:15 I leave for work, I need to get stuff done.

1:30 I'm late for a meeting... gah! It's a crappy meeting. One that needed to happen but an event that I'm working on isn't getting the response it should be from the industry and we're getting a very poor RSVP rate. We're coming up with solutions. 

1:30-5:00 Doing stuff for work, about a full day's worth of work in a half day's amount of time. My brain is scrambled and I can't really think straight. 

5:00 It's alllllright cuz I'm saved by the bell. I peace the eff out and just go pick up Nolan. I have something to look forward to after work today! Getting dinner with Erick! WOOT.

5:30 Dinner's not til 6:30, let's go to the grocery store to get some stuff for a salad. EFFFF DAMN CRAP. I forgot my wallet in the car. Gotta park my cart with a babysitter (ie guest services) so they don't think it's abandoned while I go get my wallet. Meanwhile, Nolan is flipping out wanting the blackberries I just picked up. Knowing I'm going to pay for them, I give him 3. 

5:41 Oh holy geebus. The wallet is in the diaper bag which is at HOME. Ok, I load Nolan into his car seat with the blackberries. Go home grab the wallet out of the diaper bag and return to the grocery story.

5:49 I'm officially the dumbest person ever. I left the diaper bag at home after getting my wallet OUT of the diaper bag. Whatever, I'll just go to the grocery store, pay for my stuff and just go home after and grab it quickly before getting to the restaurant for dinner.

5:50 OMG Nolan is officially a zombie and has eaten some live animal. His hands and mouth are COVERED with blackberry juice which totally looks like blood. I don't have my diaper bag so I don't have my diaper wipes so I have to go into the grocery store to wipe him in the bathroom.

5:53 I pick up my cart where I left it before and walk to the bathroom (on the opposite side of the store). Nolan sees the blackberries and fights me tooth and nail to get MORE MORE MORE. As I'm walking him to the bathroom and his demeanor is that I just hung him from his toes for 17 hours I have to reassure 2 people who look at him in horror that he is NOT in fact covered in blood. 

An eternity later I get him to the bathroom where I'm able to wipe him off and most of the juice is coming off ok with minimal stains. 

6:10 We finish up grocery shopping while Nolan is still begging and screaming for more black berries. The grocer checking me out asks if he can just give them to him because he was acting crazy. I told him no, because the juice from those things will stain his clothes... lesson learned.

6:13 I get in my car and it's the precious time where I'd be able to make it on time for the dinner if I just went straight to the restaurant but I'm going to have to bank on the fact that I won't need his diaper bag. But if I go get the diaper bag I'll likely be late. I hate being late and I just went with it and didn't bring my diaper bag. Luckily I did have one of his clean cloth diapers still available from daycare so I knew I'd have that as a just in case diaper.

6:25 I get to the restaurant. I've never been but heard good things. From the outside though, this is a dive bar/pub. Omg I'm bringing my 20 month old into this place. By myself. Someone find the mother of the year trophy and send it to me stat. I got the black berries out of the back of the car because at this point who cares. His clothes already have a nice purple splatter over them. And you never know what kind of food a kid will like at a place you've never been so I take them in for dinner.

6:26 I notice about the moldiest berry I've ever seen among the berries. I have 2 choices:

a) Take all the berries away from Nolan and witness the biggest tantrum in public to this date. In a bar no less. Gah, I want a drink. Drinking while the baby is flipping out. That'll get me a quick call to CPS.

b) Take out the nasty berry and let him eat the rest. 

Gag. Gag... um I did option b. Sorry Nolan, desperate times call for desperate measures!

6:40 Friends arrive (they were late, not me! Winning!)

7:00 Husband arrives, thank goodness for reinforcements.

The entire time Nolan is acting a fool. I ordered cheeseballs and Nolan commandeered the ranch to himself. At this point I've given up momming him. He's eating the ranch with his hands. Just scooping it straight into his mouth. When it's gone, he acts a fool some more. 

I had it when he flipped backwards and did this stiff as a board move where I had to hold him by his torso and he started literally walking up my body. Feet taking steps on my stomach, to my chest, to my FACE while he's horizontal and I'm supporting him with my arms outreached. He's too heavy, I think to myself. I'm going to drop him. It all happened so quickly I don't even know how I got him down. 

I told Brian to take him home. After the day I had I just didn't need anyone trying to climb all over me. 

Little man gets picked up by Brian and as he's leaving he's reaching out for me going "mamaaaaaaaaa"

Little man you break my heart when you're so cute like that. And you make up for everything stinker-y that you do in the process. 

Biggest regret of the day is not taking a picture of his face after eating the blackberries. Seriously it was a sight to behold.