Two Weeks

It's been 2 weeks since we found out the news that our baby had no heartbeat. To say I've been on a rollercoaster of emotions since then would be a gross understatement. Even on my good days I still manage to cry... on my bad days - well that's definitely another story.

Up until this point I've found great comfort in going on miscarriage/loss message boards. Today, dealing with the loss is extremely difficult and it's hard to go on the boards to give support. I can't find the strength to go on the boards to offer my support. My heart is hurting and a piece of me is missing.

I wonder when this pain will cease, but at the same time having that pain is a reminder of what I had. Losing that pain would be like losing the memories. I'm sure there will be days when I don't cry... but it's hard not to right now.

This weekend I sat down and read cover to cover Heaven is for Real at the recommendation of a friend who also suffered from a loss. In the book there is a special moment where the boy tells the story of seeing the sister he never knew he had while in heaven... My skeptical heart wonders if heaven really is for real - there's a lot of terrible things that happen in this world. But I really hope that it is real and I hope that by some miracle I do get to go to heaven and see my little one some day.

As I read the book I started to cry at those parts... gosh I hope it is real.

On a completely random and possibly happy note: I've been watching a lot of SBTB lately - that's Saved by the Bell for you lay people. Reasoning? Well mostly because I know that on netflix I'm not going to be bothered by commercials depicting perfect families with adorable babies of course. And with the subject of sex never ever brought up, there's obviously no unplanned pregnancy episode of SBTB.

But what is with the continuity errors? Aside from any minor issues, but Zack and Lisa totally were dating in one episode and then no more mention of it! It almost destroyed Screech and Zack's friendship! All the sudden Zack was pining for Kelly again at prom - he even sabatoged her date with Matt to make him dump her on prom night! Yikes. That Zack Morris is really a douche.

This is my new favorite SBTB Final Season related website:
http://jumpedthesnark.com/2011/02/23/saved-by-the-bell-the-final-season/

Tried to pull a fast one #ifonlyIhadabloginthe90'sIwouldhavewrittenaboutthisthen