Friday, December 21, 2012

Excited for a fun weekend/Xmas!

I'm really excited that tonight after work - the hubs and I are going to be in Omaha visiting the SIL/BIL (that's sister/brother in-law for you non message boarders). Tomorrow the FIL and MIL will be there too!

Rumor has it that we're going to a piano bar tonight! I freaking love piano bars... and I don't go to them nearly enough. All the singing and good times had by everyone involved is just a good time.

I promise to take pictures and show some family updates :)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

It's been a while...

It's hard to write about the goings on in your life when you feel like there really hasn't been much to update everyone about. But it's been a while. So I guess I'll share with you a few things going on in my life recently.

We had a thanksmas celebration with my side of the family at our house over Thanksgiving! My family does a secret santa exchange every year and I got James. I feel like I get him every other year!! The reason I remember is because he's notorious for not updating his wish list, however this year he was on top of it and I bought him some rockin' camping gear. I hope that he gets to use it on next year's RAGBRAI because I don't forsee any camping going on for a few months at least.

Tonight we're supposed to be experiencing snowmeggedon 2012. Well fudge because as it turns out, procrastinating to buy a snowblower is a bad idea. We do have one SNOW shovel, but my husband will tell you the gardening shovel that's like 8 inches wide counts as a snow shovel...

This driveway takes no prisoners.
Brian and I have been to several ISU basketball games this year which he details about in his blog. Personally, I couldn't tell you one team we saw play against with the exception of Drake. Oh wells.

We have some family plans coming up for Christmas with the Saltons so I'm excited to see the in-laws! It'll be fun to get out of town for a long weekend and go out in Omaha!!

Alright that's enough for now. What's new with you?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Thursday, September 13, 2012


Trying to lighten up this blog a little bit... How old am I to not only "remember them" but to still absolutely love them!

On another note, almost everyone that's registered as a volunteer (college aged kids) for an upcoming conference was born in 1991 or later. Chew on that for a minute.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Every Day I Do

Sadly, this is another post loss post.

Unfortunately there isn't a whole lot going on in my life that warrants a significant blog post. Sure I have fun with my friends - an AMAZING time this weekend actually... but it really got me thinking that I want to be more OUT about this loss and maybe one day be able to stop wanting to CRY every single time I'm reminded of it.

Problem: People don't know how to talk to me about the loss.

I 100% understand that you don't want to ask me about my loss because you're afraid that by bringing it up you're going to make me cry. I'll admit that I probably will at the very least tear up, but it's not because you're bringing it up, it's because you've released the feeling of being a prisoner in this pain. I don't mean to make that sound so dramatic but that's a legit feeling. When you're grieving a loss that no one else can see or touch, unlike the loss of a grandparent/parent/sibling/friend passing away, it's not acceptable to be outwardly emotional, probably because other people can't relate to the loss in their own way. Fortunately, not many people really relate to my loss. I'm honestly thankful for that fact, but at the same time it doesn't mean that I don't want to grieve openly about it.

Keeping my emotions inside inevitably leads to what can only be called "ugly crying" and the most inappropriate moment. Why? Because I'm triggered into remembering my own loss.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't celebrate life and all it has to offer but there are definitely some topics that I wish people would just understand are triggers for me (some friends of mine learned this lesson first hand this weekend)

  • Talking about an unplanned pregnancy and joking about the circumstance... it's not funny to me, I only see this as unfair. 
  • Talking about newly pregnant friends/family.
  • Seeing pregnant women, especially those that would be about as far along as I should be.
Whether or not I like to admit it. I'm super fucking jealous of people that are getting pregnant anymore. Especially those that have never experienced a loss for some reason... For some reason if you've had a loss it makes you more of a "role model" for me and something that I can look forward to... but if you haven't experienced a loss (that I know of) and you announced your pregnancy recently on facebook, I HAVE BLOCKED YOU FROM MY FEED. If you've just had a baby recently, I HAVE BLOCKED YOU FROM MY FEED. If you're friends/family of those that have just had a baby and I see you in a lot of pictures with them, I HAVE BLOCKED YOU FROM MY FEED.

Yes, it's dirty and sad in a way that I am not keeping up on the lives of those that have had babies. Some may call it selfish or whatever. But in all honesty, I don't care. I don't give a shit to see your facebook profile picture if it's your baby instead of YOU. I know your baby is what's going on in your life but for me, seeing babies is TORTURE. It's a mixed bag of longing and anger... which inevitably leads me to think that it's not fair that you had a healthy baby and mine isn't here anymore. I should be 6 months pregnant TODAY

Instead I'm battling every day with taking my temperature every morning, peeing on thousands of sticks to see if I'm ovulating, testing my saliva for ferning patterns, and doing far more than I can to really admit on a blog that people I know can actually read, and desperately hoping for a positive pregnancy test during the dreaded 2 week wait. I've stopped drinking caffeine at work, I drink pomegranate juice and eat the core of pineapples because these are things they say somehow increase fertility. 

I hope that I get pregnant and soon. I can't take much more of the pain of wanting a baby and seeing everyone else around me getting pregnant so easily.  

Status: TTCAL and hating it.

Friday, August 24, 2012

I don't know how to read.

Trying to avoid a zombie!

Stealing my last flag, therefore zombie-fying me

Zombie in the background, and so is S!

Through what probably would have been a river, twere it not so dry!

I'm way photogenic!

Starting off the race with all three flags in one spot. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Oh this was probably moments after I fell on my face just out the gate.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Three Months Later

Normally I reserve some of these downer posts to my TTC blog but I kind of feel like this one is worth posting on here. I know you all care about me and wish me the best so I figured an update is in order.

I'm so bummed out today that I am now 3 months past my D&C. Remembering that day makes me feel hollow. I wish I could forget but not a single day goes by that I don't think about my loss.

One of the positive things that happens when time passes, is that it gets easier to talk about. I can "casually" mention what happened in a way that I can tell still makes others feel uncomfortable and for that I am sorry. But it helps to talk about it instead of forget it.

I've been throwing myself into new activities including joining a fall indoor volleyball league and taking a pottery class. I look forward to big events where my friends and I are going to get together and of course I look forward to tailgating!

In other news, I'm really excited about opening "Hotel Salton" officially for business! The house isn't finished by any means, in fact we have 2 very empty rooms on the MAIN FLOOR! But we would love to have you and your friends come stay with us if you're needing a place to crash in Ames! Just please remember to puke in the toilet. HEHE

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I'm Still Here!

I met someone online *gasp* *jaw dropped* *otherthingsinasterisks*

Now before you get your panties in a twist there is a good story behind it and luckily it updates all of you a little on this post loss journey of mine. If you're interested in knowing more and aren't afraid to read the words cervix and mucous in the same sentence, send me an email I'll be happy to invite you into my crazy messed up life post loss.

Shortly after my loss in May, I posted an extremely gut wrenching post. The point behind the post was two-fold:
  1. For me to remember Adrian, as well as the emotions that went along with the loss. Those emotions were about as real as my pregnancy ever came to be since she only developed a little over 8 weeks.
  2. For everyone else to know the details of the loss without me ever having to say those words out loud ever. The pain of reliving the event STILL haunts me to this very day. But knowing that you all are a little more familiar with my story and how I am feeling... well it helps.
What I didn't think I'd find was a new lifelong friend.

You see, among the hundreds of views that I had for that blog was a special response in the comments section. She and I realized that not only did the same thing happen to each of us, but it was practically down to the week. She found out about her pregnancy, heard heartbeats, was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage and underwent a D&C about a week before those same events happened for me.

One of the most "comforting" things about our friendship is that we are both seated on the front seat of the same emotional roller coaster. We follow very similar emotional patterns and understand when the other needs to be talked off the ledge, so to speak. So when I say something that may come off as "off color" to anyone else regarding pregnancy (gasp) she understands how I'm feeling and why I feel the need to say it.

This relationship quickly escalated from commenting on one another's blog to texting, emailing, video chatting etc. Finally it got to the point where we needed to meet each other in person!

SOMEHOW I was talked into going to NYC/NJ this previous weekend. Yeah right, I should clarify, having her come to IOWA wasn't even in the cards. I went to Jersey Shore, bitch.

The flight to LaGuardia was very nerve racking for some reason. I had joked with people that maybe this girl trolled the loss boards to try to lure someone into her home to steal my kidney or human centipede me. Although I was pretty confident that wasn't the case.

Anyways, I ordered my very first in flight beverage. A rum and coke. The flight attendant asked if I wanted it a single or double... without hesitation I said DOUBLE. I drank my drinks while flying over NYC and listening to Empire State of Mind on repeat. While flying over I actually saw a fireworks display just welcoming me to the east coast.

We landed. Got out of the plane... I walked to baggage claim... and although there was a bit of a hiccup to our initial meeting due to in the terminal posted incorrectly online - Kate found me and it was just instantly awesome. Epic hugging ensued and we drove to her place in NJ. We talked like we were best friends our whole lives and it wasn't just about loss related stuff... it was just anything and everything in general. You couldn't shut us up.

The weekend flew by way too fast. And I'm sorry to say that there aren't enough pictures to commemorate the weekend. My camera battery was DOA in NYC... But here goes:

Thursday night: Stayed in New Jersey

Friday: Went to Seaside Heights - where her husband's family have a HOUSE just blocks away from all the Jersey Shore action (fangirl over here, hello!)

Yup, it's THEEEE Chair!
Where Snookers got punched
I can't even imagine the meatball problems that caused the mirror jam in the bathroom at the shore to necessitate this sign.

There's Danny!!! I'm sooo slick :)

Panties 4 sell

Some classy Shore Store merch.

You pay to get on the beach. $5 worth it! SOFT SAND and the water felt amazing!

The shore

Saturday: Saw the sites of NYC: Brooklyn Bridge, Times Square, WTC, and stayed at a place in the upper west side!!!
Times Square! A wee bit touristy don'tcah think?

Ummm NEWSIES on BROADWAY! How soon can I come back?

Gray's Papaya - Nope, it's not a farmers market folks, you get straight up hot dogs here! NOMNOMNOM

A little stroll on the brooklyn bridge. NOT spacious like in the movies.

Sunday: Had breakfast at central park and drove back to NJ to get ready for my flight home.

If you can't read in between the lines there - we had a few drinks too! Mmmmmm

The real highlight of the weekend wasn't just seeing the sites, although that was really fun, it was making what is without a doubt a lifelong friendship with someone who I would haven't ever met otherwise. I hate to even allow a silver lining to be presented during such a tragedy, but i suppose if I had to go through a miscarriage and if she had to as well - at least we were able to go through it all together.

Each day is a struggle, and there are MANY days still where I'm crying, upset, or just missing the fact that I should be 23 weeks pregnant, know the "true" sex of our baby, and sporting a cute baby bump right about now. But without even prepping her - I can go into what happened during the day and how it made me feel. She anticipates my struggles and helps me cope when I'm having rough days and I hope she thinks that I do the same for her.

Thanks for being awesome!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Friday, July 27, 2012

What do we want? BEER!

For Brian's birthday in March I set him up to receive a beer of the month delivery. Or more accurately, a beer every other month for 3 months (it was cheaper and I felt like every other month would be sufficient)

Well we got our final package yesterday in the mail... but not before I went to the grocery store and picked up a case of miller lite and a sampler 12 pack of Sam Adams.


I'm so artsy with my iPhone
Ermahgerd! It's Instagrammed!
So now we officially have like 50 beers between the two of us. Yeah... It's going to be a cuh-razy weekend! Just kidding, I'm guessing those beers are going to last us at least a month.. but then again we have a new roommate for the next 2 weeks!

I can't find a picture of him without his face obscured in some manner. In other news, is that the same girl in every photo? Who is she, David, and when are you getting married?

I have a feeling the guy who paints his face for every cyclone football game will have no trouble drinking 50 beers in one weekend. I better hide it!

Tonight I'm getting my hair cut after work - it's basically the LAW that I must go out after a haircut/style. Otherwise I'm just wasting my awesomely gorgeous locks on my husband. This really is a community service event. A random act of kindness if you will. I'm helping people by looking awesome and getting my drink on.

Me leaving work today...

Monday, July 2, 2012

New House!!!

We move into our new house on the 13th! I'm very VERY excited because right now I live in box-ville, population 2. I figured that with this excitement I'll show you all what the new digs are going to look like!!!

Front of the house!

Living room, it's the room immediately to your left when you enter through the front

Another angle from the living room

Our kitchen!

Kitchen again!

Dining area

Formal dining area??? Not sure about that since there's carpet underneath... knowing me I'll spill whatever spagetti or wine I can find day 1 if we eat in here!!!

Master bedroom

Windows facing backyard in master bedroom - the door there is to the master bathroom


Master Bathroom

2nd Bedroom

3rd Bedroom

4th Bedroom

2nd Bathroom (there are 2 other half baths too)

TV room
We close on the 12th - so that's when the house officially becomes ours!!! I'm so excited that the house is super move in ready so we don't have any huge projects to work on right away.

Our Need To Buy List:
  • Washer/Dryer
  • Large grill for backyard (this is technically a want, but given that hubs is talking about how we need a grill ASAP it's going on the need list)
  • Kitchen Table (we currently use a card table with a tablecloth over it... it's worked out so far but we think we can upgrade)
MY want list:
  • Nice window treatments
  • An actual bedframe (instead of the metal one that comes with the mattress)
  • A nice modern looking dresser
  • More furniture for the upstairs living room (it will be a sitting area where me and my fancy guests drink spots of tea and/or beer bongs)
When we actually move in we'll post pictures of the house when it's all empty! Then you'll see a true before/after!!!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Dedication to my dear friend, Erick Gene

I wish I could go back in time to when this picture was taken. It was a simpler time...
Later that night I let Erick draw on my tongue with the same green sharpie used for this tat
Oh 2007 Elizabeth... you have no idea how crazy your life is truly about to get!

Also, why didn't you get picked to be a model after this photo went public? It's crazy!

Thank you ERICK GENE for making my life funnier and more colorful than I could have ever made it on my own :) I lerve ya!