Paranoia Ain't The Way

So I'm going to get real here for a minute.

Something that scares the crap out of me is fetal abduction. I'm talking about the stories where the mother-to-be is lured to a location under false pretenses and another person will kill the mother-to-be to get her baby.

I know this is an irrational fear. In the scheme of things, the percentage of people this happens to is extremely low. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

At this moment I'm extremely paranoid to the point where I practically need a code word to send to my husband so I can know that we're both safe.

Hear me out...

So I'm pregnant with a healthy baby, and not that it should matter but for some reason it does, white boy. I heard once that on the black market a white newborn boy would go for a lot of money to a desperate couple wanting a child. I have no idea if those statistics are true and I don't want the NSA to code me as a child stealer if I google it. You go right ahead and comment if you know more accurate stats.

I've had a few instances in the recent past where I've been paranoid at the fact that I've let strangers into my house so that they can provide a service to us.

Case #1: Creepy Window Guy

I don't remember getting too into this on a blog, but I definitely had a moment with this guy where I was worried. I was 20ish weeks and barely showing but definitely showing none the less. Keep in mind, this guy asked me no questions about my pregnancy, I volunteered them - so realistically he's not interested in murdering me for my baby.

But here goes. He comes and does a spiel about windows and he totally sells me on their product. He's the first guy I called but the price tag left me a little shocked... it's about $5,700 for 5 windows. I call my mom and she says, "you need to get a 2nd quote!". So I do, I call a different window guy and he's able to offer windows for half that price. His product seems to be quality and I see a lot of people using their services (by way of lawn signs) and I feel confident that he's the way to go.

Meanwhile, in crazy other window guy world:
Brian and I are loading up the car to go to his dad's for the weekend. It's Friday around 5:30 and we're hauling ass to try to make it on the road that minute. This pricey window guy comes to our freaking house and 5:30PM on a freaking Friday and wants to talk windows. We're OBVIOUSLY busy. We're loading up the car. And in true weak form, I don't tell him that we've already committed to another window service provider. Yes, I get that if I just told him this he would have backed off. But I'm not good with confrontation and I didn't want to have to answer questions about why we went with them vs him because like I said he sold me on their windows. We part ways and I put a note in my brain to call him or email him that we're going another direction... but I forget.

The following Monday, window guy comes to the house AGAIN. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, MONDAY he's back. Once again it's after work and Brian and I were watching a movie with Nolan in the basement. I go upstairs quietly thinking it's probably this guy again and sure enough I recognize his car in my driveway. IN MY DRIVEWAY. He knocks, waits about 3 minutes, knocks again, then waits again... then goes to his car and calls my cell phone and leaves a voicemail.

Yes, I have a strong case of the wuss. I could have answered and been like "sorry, Charlie" and be done with it. I put a note in my brain to call/email this guy later. Once again I forget.

Finally, and this is where shit gets weird, It's Wednesday and I'm on my lunch break. I don't advertise that I go home for lunch because sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but this day I decided since I forgot to bring a lunch I'd go home and grab some leftovers in the fridge. I pull into my garage and close the door.

Low and behold, freaking creepy window guy KNOCKS ON MY DOOR while I'm on my lunch break alone in my house when he'd have no discernible reason to believe I'm home he's there.

I felt like I was being watched. I felt so vulnerable that once again I didn't answer the door (I'm home alone, no one really KNOWS I'm at home for lunch so I could potentially be kidnapped, driven 4 hours away and no one would really notice except work who probably would think I'm in a meeting or something and not really think on it too hard until I didn't show up at all the rest of the afternoon).

This is where my paranoia felt justified in a way. I felt so vulnerable that I called the corporate office of said creepy window guy and basically explain that I don't want him to call me anymore. Long story short (followed by a 2nd call to corporate) that finally did the trick.

End of story.

Case #2: The Flakey Handyman

So more recently, by that I mean today, I've been dealing with a flakey handyman. I found a guy on craigslist who could help me fix a leaky sink which was resulting in mold growing on the drain. Guy does a great job, can see me right away thankfully since the leak progressed from the sink to falling on the floor and filling a solo cup a day with it's drips.

I was pleased with his work and his quick response time to help us with the sink so I told him about a few other projects that I would like his help on including fixing a ceiling fan so it doesn't rock back and forth and our garage door button re-wiring. Something a handyman could definitely do.

This was about 7-8 weeks ago.

After fixing my sink we talked about him coming to do my other projects and it became one of those things where we'd make plans to come on Thursday and he'd confirm it and Thursday would come and work was busy, but what about Monday? How about Wednesday? I can definitely make it on Friday. Is Tuesday good for you? I need to do it before Sunday because I'm going to be gone for 2 months starting Monday.

What.

Monday he texts me, does tomorrow work for you? How about Friday?

Keep in mind every time he requests a date, I confirm it. So I've made a dozen or so appointments over the last 7-8 weeks that he failed to keep.

Paranoia sets in. What if he keeps kicking the can further down the road so that I'm further along in my pregnancy so he can kill me for my baby?

I decided to go with my gut on this one, albeit a little late, but I still basically told him that we no longer needed his services and that I wanted to pay him for the leaky faucet he fixed (he wanted to bill us all at once). I wrote him a check and per his instructions left it in my mailbox and he never came around to pick it up. I taped the check to the front door on Friday and it's Wednesday today and as of this morning he was going to pick it up around 7.

I left around 7:15 and saw someone in a truck with the lights on waiting at the end of my driveway. I thought it was him, I don't know if it was, it could have been my neighbor. Ultimately I think it was just my neighbor...

I texted Brian shortly after who I thought was the handyman came to pick up the check. I texted him a question that wouldn't seem obvious as a question that asked "are you OK" but something only he could answer... When Brian didn't answer right away with the answer that was correct, in fact he wrote something suspiciously like someone that wanted to kill me for my baby would write I called him and basically told him that I'm being super paranoid.

Brian's fine by the way. But my mental image of what was about to go down was nothing short of a hostage situation. I was going to get a call from handyman where the lives of my husband and son would be threatened unless I come home. I know, it's freaking stupid. I need to stop watching Law and Order SVU.

As far as I know the check is still taped to my door. If it's not picked up by the time I get home I'm getting this dude's mailing address and sending it and making that the end of this.

To be continued... I guess?

-----

I do understand that my paranoia is definitely out there. But I also understand that it's probably OK for me to feel this paranoia and go with my gut on some things that scare me. Going with my gut instincts might make me seem a little jittery but I'm going to err on the side of caution. I won't go to places by myself and I won't let any strangers in my house (political canvassers, JWs, and all service people be damned). It's OK to not answer the door if you don't know the person regardless of if you're home alone or feeling vulnerable.

This paranoia isn't making me so worried that I'm losing my ability to go outside or make me change my every day life. But really it just makes me think about how I can be safer as an obviously pregnant woman in this day and age.

Reasons for my paranoia:
http://swordandscale.com/sword-and-scale-episode-44/

http://www.allenbwest.com/2015/03/no-murder-charges-for-woman-who-cut-baby-out-of-womb/

http://nypost.com/2015/11/20/woman-kills-expectant-mom-cuts-fetus-out-of-her-body/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_abduction

My Birth Plan

Thought I'd lay it all out publicly. That's just how I be.

• JUST me and Brian in the delivery room. A special thank you to all my family and friends who did not request an invite. You da real MVP.

  

  
  

• Bring a huge suitcase of crap I probably won't use to the hospital including makeup and a hair straightener.

  

  I look this good

• Definitely taking a bath for sure. But because I'm modest I'll be wearing a bikini top thankyouverymuch. Last time a nurse commented about how I did that and it being weird (in so many words) and I just want to give you the biggest middle finger I can see. Yeah sure, you'll probably see a lot more of me later but that doesn't mean I want to be fully on display.

  

  
  

• Getting an epidural. I'd actually like an epidural right now if you don't mind.

  

  Something like that...

• I'ma eat. Last time they told me I couldn't but I found out recently that the midwife policy is to let us laboring moms eat. I feel cheated. 

• Regardless of when exactly I have the baby, there will not be an ISU men's basketball game playing in the background - even if it is the Kansas game. 

  

  
  

• Husband has to triple check this time around that no photo is posted of me online with nipple showing.... and left up for like 3 days unnoticed. That... um... happened to a friend of mine.
  
• But the most important thing, above all else, is to have a healthy baby! By whatever means necessary. I can't wait to meet this lil guy. +/- 34 days and counting!
  

35/35

It's impossible.

I'm 35/35.

Holy crap. I've said this pregnancy has gone fast but I didn't realize I'd hit this milestone before I could even blink.

In this photo, me in my prepregnancy pants. I'm carrying HIGH as you can see. Little man is kicking and stretching pretty consistently but that anterior placenta is still making it hard to feel ALL the moves like I did with Nolan.

This little man is going to be here before we know it. And for the record we did finally decide on a name. The name was "warm" to me at first but now it feels like "the one" and definitely seems to be a keeper. We're still keeping the name a secret though because I'm afraid of opinions. If you don't like the name and you tell me when the baby is born then you get to kiss my steel toed boots (or whatever).

Overall still feeling pretty much ok. I'm getting mild heartburn here and there and ready for that to be over. And more than anything I'm really getting ready for this rib pain to be gone. It's getting worse. The pain is more sharp now which is scary to me... like I'm really hurting something on the inside.

I guess I'm officially at weekly appointments considering I'm having my "34" week appointment this week since I delayed it due to a busy work week last week. So yeah... pretty much 5ish weeks of appointments on a weekly basis.

I'm feeling contractions ALL the time which is crazy. I want to know if they're doing anything productive. I mean, not TOO productive because I don't want baby here for at least 2 weeks. But I want to know if I should be getting that, erm... checked out.

Anyways! Post and run... just wanted to share this milestone!

34 Weeks!

Baby grew quite a bit in the past few weeks! This little man is probably 5ish pounds at this point which is just insane.

I haven't mentioned that baby has been measuring a little bit long in the fundal height measurements (that's basically when they measure your uterus by poking at your stomach to find the top and bottom of it... FUN). My midwife told me the larger measurements are nothing to worry about unless they're 2 cm higher than the number of weeks pregnant you are. And in that case they'd do an ultrasound to ensure that the baby isn't restricted growth and make sure that everything else is going ok. 

Having a 2nd baby isn't at all like having the 1st. With Nolan, I was able to prepare his nursery with everything super clean and organized and lined up to a "T". This time around, the nursery is a mess and well, the whole rest of the house is a mess too. Having a toddler/tornado running around the house makes for not an easy pregnancy.

To be honest, the biggest complaint I have has to be this back pain which over the weekend became unbearable at times. It feels like parts of my back have been crushed like glass and that there are tiny shards of this glass stuck in places I can't rub, ice, or heat away. 

I'm seconds away from spending a small fortune on a stupid maternity pillow that I'll only have use of for another 6 weeks. Worth it? Probably... Will I buy it... ughhhhhhhh it's like $60. Cheapskate wins for now. 

Lately I've been- I've been losin' sleep

Well it's not a Friday... what the EFF?

Ok, it has been a long week and on Tuesday I definitely thought it was Thursday and today is the Iowa/ISU bball game so the Dean let us wear jeans so it definitely feels Friday-y (even though I never get to wear jeans *sigh*)

Long story short, it's been a rough few days sleepwise. First of all, Tuesday night - Nolan woke up around 1:30AM and I thought he had a nightmare so I was ok with sleeping in bed with him to keep him calm.

MISTAKE

(BTW, if you're a scrubs fan, I tried googling "Scrubs Opera Singer, Mistake" like 200 times, but kept spelling "opera" like "oprah" going HOW THE EVERLIVING EFF DO YOU SPELL OPERA/OPRAH?)

Well I was up with him for a good 2 hours while he was laying there next to me. I'd sort of zone off into sleep but he was awake the whole time. He was being incredibly sweet and sort of playful but not obnoxiously so. He saw me laying there silently (listening to him play) and he kissed me and said "night night, mama" which obviously melted my heart. But alas after 2 hours of essentially no sleep I gave up and moved back into my own room where I had about an hour and a half of tossing and turning because I couldn't get comfortable.

I can't sleep on my back because then I don't feel like I can breath
I can't sleep on my stomach because my stomach
I can't sleep on my left side because my rib hurts on the left and the weight from the baby puts more force on that rib
I can barely sleep on my right but my shoulder isn't comfortable...

What's crazy though is that, should everything go well, this will likely be the last time I'm pregnant. So I really only have 40-some days left of pregnancy EVER. So for now, even though some things suck, like getting comfortable while sleeping, it's really nice to remember that I'm going to meet a little man in just a few short weeks that I'm going to love as much as Nolan (which is a LOT).

I've got my FMLA all squared away and I'm taking the full 12 weeks off of work to spend with my lil man. Nolan will likely continue at daycare 3-5 days a week depending on how I'm feeling. I think it's more fair for Nolan to get to have structure with a daycare rather than with a mom who's too tired to feed herself (pizza every day?)

But yeah, I'm 33ish weeks and here's what's going on.

• Weird pregnancy hormones are causing my hair to grow like crazy... ie, I shave under my arms but it's never enough... the next day I feel like a hippie
• Back pain requires me to take a nice long hot bath about every day to soothe my muscles... not too hot though because then I might cook my baby (oh the things they tell you NOT to do)
• I'm having braxton hicks contractions on the regular. Not at all painful but semi uncomfortable where my belly hardens. Usually happening after getting up after sitting down for a while, or exerting myself.

 I'm looking forward to:

• Packing my bag for the hospital, keeping in mind that I want to bring more baby outfits than last time
• Getting past December 18th where I have 2 large work events on the same day
• January where I can really start counting down the days til baby gets here
• Meeting this little guy!

If I pose with the camera at certain angles, I can almost look cute with my bump! There's another woman I work with who's due early January who still runs. 10. miles. a. day. She's cute, Italian, stylish, and I refuse to stand next to her for any reason other than the fact that she's extremely sweet and I love talking to her... but dammit - why does she have to be so darn cute? I mean, she's due before me but I look like I'm having triplets compared to her.

Without further ado

 Oh yeah. GO STATE!

My eye makeup looks atrocious. So this is what you're getting.

Holy Baloney - 31 Weeks

Baby

• Baby's going through major brain and nerve development.
• Eye development too. Irises now react to light!
• All five of baby's senses are in working order.

Mama

• Out of breath, since baby keeps squishing your lungs. Yup, hard to carry Nolan up stairs too, especially from the basement!
• Dry, brittle nails, thanks to all that extra nail growth. Not really, they're long, strong, and tend to get the friction on.
• Braxton Hicks contractions. Be sure you're drinking plenty of water and changing positions often. I don't think I really got these with Nolan but I'm definitely getting these with this baby!
• Leaky boobs. That's baby's first food, called colostrum. Ummm, no comment. 
• Frequent urination. Your bladder's just as crowded as your lungs. Yes. Ugh. Yes. And it's never a significant amount, although it feels like I'm bursting!
• Backaches. Be sure to keep stretching. So much yes to this. Rib pain too. 
• Difficulty sleeping. Aches and pains, your big belly, pregnancy hormones, heartburn and anxiety are probably all contributing. Sometimes, I've been good on the nap front especially on weekends!

Total Weight Gain: I actually lost a pound from my 28 week appt to my 30 week appt. Which was great seeing as how the midwife was like "ohhh, you gained 4 pounds from week 24-28". I'm going to call her Judgey Mc'Midwife if I need to bring her up again. At my last appointment with her she dismissed my rib pain and projected symptoms onto me regarding the pain I was feeling. Example: Oh is the pain really deep? she asks... no it's actually at the surface as if something is bulgeing out for my ribcage. Oh, it's probably your stomach then... she says. K... but I HEARD my stomach growl on my right ribcage. I dunno, she's fine for the most part but I'm just not thrilled with the way that she just came up with the whole stomach theory and all.

Maternity Clothes: Sometimes! I actually can still fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans which is nothing short of a miracle. I also have some work pants I fit into pretty easily. I must be carrying high or something.

Symptoms: Mostly I am just feeling back and rib pain. It gets really intense at the end of the day. I've been putting ice packs on the painful areas and that helps temporarily. Usually the best fix is sleeping and then in the morning it feels better(ish).

Sleep: I'm doing fine on the sleeping front. Yesterday I took a 3.5 hour nap and still went to bed before 10pm.

Food Cravings: I think I know what sounds good when I see or smell it. Usually pizza hits the spot. I'm not too fond of leftovers. The smell of cold food makes me not hungry.

Anything making you queasy or sick:  Sometimes when I brush my teeth I'll gag, but that's about it.

Movement:  This is my favorite. I have an anterior placenta which in layman's terms means that there's a cushion between my stomach and the baby (the cushion being the placenta). That means that I'm not feeling as intense of kicks as I did with Nolan, so when I do feel stuff it's really pretty cool. I miss that I can't watch my belly move with little feet sticking out. With Nolan, I had several times where he'd just jut out his foot and draaaaaag it along my stomach. Very "Alien" of him to be honest, but it was really neat!

Stretch Marks: None, and I don't have the linea negra either thank goodness. I'm sure that'll come.

Labor Signs: Just BH every once in a while.

Belly Button In or Out?: Medium. And this is where I get gross. I've had this... growth thing... in my belly button for as long as I can remember. This happened with Nolan last time too where I could see the "growth" and tug on it. Honestly it's like a dark skin tag. I want nothing more than to take a scissors to it and cut it off. This would be the time to do it.

Wedding Rings on or off?: On

Happy or Moody?: Mostly happy with some exceptions.

Purchases for baby: I've been pretty good about this. I think I've spent maybe like $50 or so on some new clothes for baby, but since we're having a boy we have most of the clothes we'll need. I think we might buy a new mattress because of something I read about SIDS in the past and a slight increase of the risk of SIDS with a used mattress... the last thing I want or need is another reason to have anxiety after this baby is born!

Purchases for Mama: Yes, actually. I spent too much money at A Pea In The Pod on 3 dresses. I look freaking cute in them, if I do say so myself.

Miss anything?: Oh yes, a super cold beer at the end of a hard work day/week!

Looking forward to: I'm looking forward to the fact that I'm on the 2 week plan for appointments with the midwives now, so I think my next thing is looking forward to the every week appointments! Then of course baby coming. I can't believe I'm down to 9 weeks left!

The Happenings

Photo dump blog!

We are moving Nolan into the guest room on the top floor and keeping his current room as the nursery. I wanted a fresh look for his new room so he picked out his own paint color (seriously) and we agreed to it! It's called Elf Shoe Green, it's like super duper green. Perfect for a kids room. I gave him a slightly damp with paint sponge to work with and he helped. 

Nolan "helping"

 Seattle Pictures!

Went to The Crab Pot, Rachael and Mom

Evan with the selfie stick

Had a dance party on the dock!

Our cupcake gender reveal at The Troll!

Nolan got to listen to some street music

Sitting on the pig at Pikes Market

Puzzle time at the house

Checking out the zoo!

Lion!

On top of the space needle people were walking around the perimeter with harnesses... NOPE

Playing with Daddy!

 Christian's Wedding!
These are just a few photos from the evening. Long story short, I didn't take enough photos but I'm hoping to just piece the evening together with my memory and C's professional photographer. The night was so much fun! They had a bubble machine that went off semi-randomly and every time it did Nolan just screamed BUBBBBBLEEEEEEEEES!

Nolan was the ultimate stinker during the wedding itself where he wouldn't sit still and wanted to walk freely in the church. Even The Lego Movie couldn't keep him still. So I had to walk him out of the church during the reading of the vows when he promptly smacked me in the face as we were leaving.

Me and the groom, my lil bro!

Family Photo

Happy guy!

Couldn't get one with him smiling... so yeah

23ish weeks?

Don't worry, it's chocolate. 

My little daredevil!

 Pumpkin patch!

Petting the cow

Can't keep this kid still!

Little bouncy horse

24 week appointment, Nolan in attendance

Little farmer boy. It doesn't get more Iowa than this. 

With Daddy on the combine

OMG I FOUND A BINKY!

COWS... MOOO!!!

Daddy, Nolan, and cows!

Exhausted on the way home he promptly fell asleep.  He's so stinkin' cute when he's sleepy!

Bought a fun toy... bath crayons!

 

25 Weeks!

Sit here, mama!

Ok, I'll sit down with you, you little cheese!

Namegate

I'm officially 25 weeks now and unfortunately Brian and I are 100% at a loss for what to name our baby.

We're so completely split on the matter it's unreal. I have a few names I like (but don't love) and he keeps pressing on a few names that are ok (but I don't love). We're spinning our wheels!

This isn't an invite to start chiming in with your name options, because flying spaghetti monster knows I can't handle more cooks in this kitchen. But this is more of a post on how naming this child is proving to be quite difficult.

Our ground rules:

• No "N" names - I come from a family where everyone was named with either a C or K name... and I don't like the matchy sounds... seriously: Carson, Karmin, Katie, Cooper, Kyhl, Connie, Kenny, Kevin, Kurt, Cary, Karl, Casey - and honestly I know there's more but I'm not going to rack my brain trying to remember them all... this is the biggest reason I have the hardest time remembering even my own cousin's names when I haven't seen them in a while. 
• Name should be somewhat traditional - in both spelling and familiarity among the people
• Name should not be in the top 50 of the popular baby names for 2014 (or any preliminary lists for 2015)
• Name should be special for both of us and we need to agree on it. This is my Everest.

So Brian and I are having a constant struggle of naming our child. It was SO EASY when it came to naming Nolan. We knew before our anatomy scan, before we were even sure he was a boy, that we both loved the name "Nolan" for a boy. Now we're constantly thinking about it. We are listening extra hard to the names of the characters on TV, athletes, whatever we can get our hands on. 

Why is this so much harder this time around? 

ULTRASOUND PHOTOS!!

It's been darn near a month and I'm just now posting pictures about our ANATOMY SCAN! I haven't formally said anything on my blog about how great it all went!

Everything is healthy as you could ask for. Baby is measuring right on track for my due date and everything looks perfect! Perfect kidneys, heart, brain, bones, spine, no cleft palate, no sign of any other abnormalities at all. I'm so thankful that we're having another healthy baby. 

Of course baby was shy for a while with legs crossed and we weren't sure if we were even going to be able to tell what we were having. But eventually we finally got a good shot and we're having a BOY! Ultrasound pictures that prove this were removed because it's really weird to post baby "parts" on facebook. But Nolan is going to have a baby brother and we couldn't be more excited!

Yesterday with Nolan I went through his old clothes and sorted stuff that would work for a winter baby. Of course everything that I sorted through was so freaking adorable and I got excited for baby boy to wear it too - even just the short sleeved newborn stuff. I did buy some new stuff for the baby to keep him warm in the cold... I even bought just a few newborn things even though I'm fairly certain we'll have another 8+ pound baby who will quickly be in 3 month sized clothing before I know it.

So without further ado, here's pictures of our newest little man!