Tuesday, December 22, 2015

My Birth Plan

Thought I'd lay it all out publicly. That's just how I be.

  • JUST me and Brian in the delivery room. A special thank you to all my family and friends who did not request an invite. You da real MVP.

  • Bring a huge suitcase of crap I probably won't use to the hospital including makeup and a hair straightener.
    I look this good
  • Definitely taking a bath for sure. But because I'm modest I'll be wearing a bikini top thankyouverymuch. Last time a nurse commented about how I did that and it being weird (in so many words) and I just want to give you the biggest middle finger I can see. Yeah sure, you'll probably see a lot more of me later but that doesn't mean I want to be fully on display.

  • Getting an epidural. I'd actually like an epidural right now if you don't mind.
    Something like that...
  • I'ma eat. Last time they told me I couldn't but I found out recently that the midwife policy is to let us laboring moms eat. I feel cheated. 
nutella noms 5 Nutella NOMS (25 photos)
  • Regardless of when exactly I have the baby, there will not be an ISU men's basketball game playing in the background - even if it is the Kansas game. 

  • Husband has to triple check this time around that no photo is posted of me online with nipple showing.... and left up for like 3 days unnoticed. That... um... happened to a friend of mine.
  • But the most important thing, above all else, is to have a healthy baby! By whatever means necessary. I can't wait to meet this lil guy. +/- 34 days and counting!

4 comments:

  1. I wonder if the no eating thing is to lessen your chances of pooping during delivery.

    As a side note, I really tried to think of a way to make that sound less gross, but I really couldn't.

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    Replies
    1. I just Googled it, so, I know now that isn't the reason.

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    2. Yeah it's more so you don't choke on your own vomit if you need a c-section. That's why most surgeries make you fast for 12 hours - I think because there's a slight chance that they'll need to intubate you.

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    3. The good thing is it sounds like general anesthesia is fairly rare nowadays for C-sections now that regional anesthesia has become more commonplace.

      I fell down a rabbit hole when looking up the food thing. I found out that the guy who invented local anesthesia did so by shooting cocaine into his eyeball, and then poking it with needles to see if he could feel it. WAT!

      P.S. As I was going to sleep last night, I thought "Bowel movement! I should have said 'bowel movement'!" I think of the weirdest things when I am trying to sleep.

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