The Other Two Week Wait

The Two Week Wait (TWW) is so ubiquitous when it comes to actually making the baby that it's hard to believe that I'm on the other end of the TWW. For perspective purposes, the two week wait is when time slows down to a standstill and you have to wait an eternity to take a pregnancy test. The TWW is often abbreviated to 9 or 10 days, especially when you're impatient like me.

Well here we are... on the other end of the TWW where I'm 38 weeks pregnant and +/- 2 weeks away from having this little man! For my own sanity I hope that it's tonight that he decides to show up because the other TWW symptoms are also pretty monstrous.

Trying to get up from sitting down:

You think... maybe you're in labor... ?:

This... umm happened to a friend of mine.

When the doctor makes you pee in a cup smaller than 1" in diameter and your visibility is 0.
I can't even find a gif or image that wouldn't get me in trouble for googling right now... sorry.

What I love about this time is also what I hate about this time: the not knowing. When I had Nolan I had a dramatic water breaking incident that, luckily, was confined to my house and not in public. But it was so obviously my water breaking that I knew it was time. Brian and I hustled out of the house quickly and made it to the doc because when your water breaks you don't need to time contractions until you're 5 minutes apart and yadda yadda yadda.

Now I'm in the not knowing stage again. I am HOPING for a water breaking incident but not counting on it.

I've got 12 days until my due date. Nolan was 2 days late. I've been given no indication that a previous baby's arrival will effect this baby's arrival... so really we're I can't even make an educated guess.

Send labor vibes my way, people!

Thanks to Kate from The Buggy List for planting the TWW idea in my head nearly 3 years ago now!

Paging Dr. Google

First of all, I'm exhausted today...

I woke up this morning thinking I need some coffee so I got me my regular DD medium coffee with sugar. They done messed it up or something because it was NOT the DD coffee I've grown to know and love. The magic wasn't there... so that was disappointing. I tried drinking it and in the morning it was meh but after lunch it was downright Starbucksy.

I'm currently at 19 days until my due date but within the 3 weeks prior to my due date that everyone pretty much would say my baby is safe. So to me that means it really could be any day now that baby decides to show up.

In comes the symptoms...

So I went over to another office on campus to pick up these EXTREMELY heavy banner stands and then wheel them across campus. They have wheels, thank goodness, but it's like I was pulling a body behind me. Super heavy weight, but on wheels. Anyways, what should happen? Painful contraction? Braxton hicks... maybe? It was painful though and different than my regular BHCX (braxton hicks contractions for future reference). It happened several times while pulling this thing behind me and I honestly was getting excited! These weren't like gas pains or anything, the pain was all local to the reeg where contractions would be felt so I of course had to call upon Dr. Google.

And so it begins...

I googled "difference between BHCX and real labor" and "what do contractions feel like?" because I can't remember yesterday let alone 2.5 years ago when I had Nolan.

Annnnnyways... that's fun.

Note to self: Make sure Brian starts carrying his phone on him during the day. I texted him about the fake contractions over 2 hours ago and he hasn't responded yet.

This Time Around

Oh it's going to be so different with 2 kids. So much harder in some ways but at least I can look forward to the fact that Brian no longer has to drive 45 minutes each way to work and that I can text him to pick up cereal on the way back to the house.

The biggest difference with maternity leave this time around will be that it's not just me and baby. It's me, baby and a toddler that wants to watch "ow-vees" [movies] or listen to "ow-zic" [music]. I have resigned myself to making sure Nolan continues daycare for at least 3 days a week if not completely full time at daycare. It's honestly just too hard to think about having Nolan and a little baby without the help of another adult! 

Speaking of a difficult toddler... Nolan was really difficult yesterday when I took him to a big brother class that the hospital offered. I'm giving the little man the benefit of the doubt that he started a new daycare that day after 11 days off with me for holiday leave. I'm sure it was just exhausting getting to know the new kids, playing with the new toys, getting to know the new teacher, etc. But the poor kid was NOT having the class. It was like I was trying to rip his skin off and start him on fire. 

I had to snapchat shame him by sending a video of Nolan trying to escape the room while screaming. The other parents looked at me with that "I've been there" smile. Although I'm sure many of them were like "can't she handle her kid?" which I might be projecting but I seriously was embarrassed for the tantrum heard round the hospital. 

We ended up leaving a little bit early because of this which bummed me out. I was really hoping he'd take advantage of the baby dolls and listening to the woman tell him how to change diapers etc. As we were leaving the woman instructing the course says, "try and get him in the next session" which I suppose I could do but I definitely will have a baby by then since they only offer the course once a month. 

Sorry to toddler shame you, Nolan!

I have no idea if when I'm old or after I die that Nolan and new baby will ever read this blog... I do sometimes cloud what I write with only positive experiences and hide the negative. I feel bad writing stuff that isn't really all positive about Nolan right now, but at the same time he really did have a long day and I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. When we got home he really wanted to be held. Well first he wanted to be naked (his MO) and then he wanted to be held. I know that means that he just didn't have the energy for the class that day and maybe if it were next week and he had a chance to get acclimated to the new daycare he wouldn't have been such a naughty boy. I cuddled with that little man in between other tantrums he was having. 

It's hard to be a mom some days, but then there's the moments where the kiddo just shows you pure love. I know he's my little man and he might be a stinker sometimes but he's MY stinker and I'm so lucky. 

So Future Nolan, if you are reading this, then I'm sorry for shaming you. You're definitely worth every tantrum. 

37 Weeks and Term

So 37 weeks means that I could have this baby annnny day now and theoretically everything is well developed and ready for the outside. I'm guessing this little man is just going to pack on the pounds before making his entrance.

Maybe more importantly on this day I need to talk about how Nolan started a new daycare this morning. I have to admit that it was MUCH harder for me than it probably was for him, but I know he wasn't having the best time as I was leaving this morning.

Brian and I both decided to take him into daycare this morning so that Brian would get to know the lay of the land at the new place. When we brought him in, Nolan saw the kids in the playroom and he kept shouting, "Friends... Friends!!!" It's because of that I know he was going to be just fine... but of course Brian and I hugged Nolan quite a bit more this morning and talked to him about the toys in the room and asked him if there was anything he wanted to play with. Really he only wanted to be hugged by us and it was just heartbreaking to leave him.

I can't wait to leave work today and pick him up and get the longest, most satisfying hug ever. These days are just far too long.

Just before going to a new daycare, however, Nolan and I did enjoy 11 work-free days in a row together for the holiday break. That's definitely something I feel like I can take advantage of year after year. Maybe next year I'll take even more time off to get a longer break with little man/men.

What I'm looking forward to right now (besides baby) is Saturday! It's my birthday and I'm going to get a prenatal massage and facial! I'm so freaking excited for these appointments as I've booked them MONTHS ago. I don't spoil myself much anymore because I have to adult and save money so I'm cutting out the pampering but my birthday is an exception. Be jealous! I'm excited!

Paranoia Ain't The Way

So I'm going to get real here for a minute.

Something that scares the crap out of me is fetal abduction. I'm talking about the stories where the mother-to-be is lured to a location under false pretenses and another person will kill the mother-to-be to get her baby.

I know this is an irrational fear. In the scheme of things, the percentage of people this happens to is extremely low. But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

At this moment I'm extremely paranoid to the point where I practically need a code word to send to my husband so I can know that we're both safe.

Hear me out...

So I'm pregnant with a healthy baby, and not that it should matter but for some reason it does, white boy. I heard once that on the black market a white newborn boy would go for a lot of money to a desperate couple wanting a child. I have no idea if those statistics are true and I don't want the NSA to code me as a child stealer if I google it. You go right ahead and comment if you know more accurate stats.

I've had a few instances in the recent past where I've been paranoid at the fact that I've let strangers into my house so that they can provide a service to us.

Case #1: Creepy Window Guy

I don't remember getting too into this on a blog, but I definitely had a moment with this guy where I was worried. I was 20ish weeks and barely showing but definitely showing none the less. Keep in mind, this guy asked me no questions about my pregnancy, I volunteered them - so realistically he's not interested in murdering me for my baby.

But here goes. He comes and does a spiel about windows and he totally sells me on their product. He's the first guy I called but the price tag left me a little shocked... it's about $5,700 for 5 windows. I call my mom and she says, "you need to get a 2nd quote!". So I do, I call a different window guy and he's able to offer windows for half that price. His product seems to be quality and I see a lot of people using their services (by way of lawn signs) and I feel confident that he's the way to go.

Meanwhile, in crazy other window guy world:
Brian and I are loading up the car to go to his dad's for the weekend. It's Friday around 5:30 and we're hauling ass to try to make it on the road that minute. This pricey window guy comes to our freaking house and 5:30PM on a freaking Friday and wants to talk windows. We're OBVIOUSLY busy. We're loading up the car. And in true weak form, I don't tell him that we've already committed to another window service provider. Yes, I get that if I just told him this he would have backed off. But I'm not good with confrontation and I didn't want to have to answer questions about why we went with them vs him because like I said he sold me on their windows. We part ways and I put a note in my brain to call him or email him that we're going another direction... but I forget.

The following Monday, window guy comes to the house AGAIN. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday, MONDAY he's back. Once again it's after work and Brian and I were watching a movie with Nolan in the basement. I go upstairs quietly thinking it's probably this guy again and sure enough I recognize his car in my driveway. IN MY DRIVEWAY. He knocks, waits about 3 minutes, knocks again, then waits again... then goes to his car and calls my cell phone and leaves a voicemail.

Yes, I have a strong case of the wuss. I could have answered and been like "sorry, Charlie" and be done with it. I put a note in my brain to call/email this guy later. Once again I forget.

Finally, and this is where shit gets weird, It's Wednesday and I'm on my lunch break. I don't advertise that I go home for lunch because sometimes I do, sometimes I don't, but this day I decided since I forgot to bring a lunch I'd go home and grab some leftovers in the fridge. I pull into my garage and close the door.

Low and behold, freaking creepy window guy KNOCKS ON MY DOOR while I'm on my lunch break alone in my house when he'd have no discernible reason to believe I'm home he's there.

I felt like I was being watched. I felt so vulnerable that once again I didn't answer the door (I'm home alone, no one really KNOWS I'm at home for lunch so I could potentially be kidnapped, driven 4 hours away and no one would really notice except work who probably would think I'm in a meeting or something and not really think on it too hard until I didn't show up at all the rest of the afternoon).

This is where my paranoia felt justified in a way. I felt so vulnerable that I called the corporate office of said creepy window guy and basically explain that I don't want him to call me anymore. Long story short (followed by a 2nd call to corporate) that finally did the trick.

End of story.

Case #2: The Flakey Handyman

So more recently, by that I mean today, I've been dealing with a flakey handyman. I found a guy on craigslist who could help me fix a leaky sink which was resulting in mold growing on the drain. Guy does a great job, can see me right away thankfully since the leak progressed from the sink to falling on the floor and filling a solo cup a day with it's drips.

I was pleased with his work and his quick response time to help us with the sink so I told him about a few other projects that I would like his help on including fixing a ceiling fan so it doesn't rock back and forth and our garage door button re-wiring. Something a handyman could definitely do.

This was about 7-8 weeks ago.

After fixing my sink we talked about him coming to do my other projects and it became one of those things where we'd make plans to come on Thursday and he'd confirm it and Thursday would come and work was busy, but what about Monday? How about Wednesday? I can definitely make it on Friday. Is Tuesday good for you? I need to do it before Sunday because I'm going to be gone for 2 months starting Monday.

What.

Monday he texts me, does tomorrow work for you? How about Friday?

Keep in mind every time he requests a date, I confirm it. So I've made a dozen or so appointments over the last 7-8 weeks that he failed to keep.

Paranoia sets in. What if he keeps kicking the can further down the road so that I'm further along in my pregnancy so he can kill me for my baby?

I decided to go with my gut on this one, albeit a little late, but I still basically told him that we no longer needed his services and that I wanted to pay him for the leaky faucet he fixed (he wanted to bill us all at once). I wrote him a check and per his instructions left it in my mailbox and he never came around to pick it up. I taped the check to the front door on Friday and it's Wednesday today and as of this morning he was going to pick it up around 7.

I left around 7:15 and saw someone in a truck with the lights on waiting at the end of my driveway. I thought it was him, I don't know if it was, it could have been my neighbor. Ultimately I think it was just my neighbor...

I texted Brian shortly after who I thought was the handyman came to pick up the check. I texted him a question that wouldn't seem obvious as a question that asked "are you OK" but something only he could answer... When Brian didn't answer right away with the answer that was correct, in fact he wrote something suspiciously like someone that wanted to kill me for my baby would write I called him and basically told him that I'm being super paranoid.

Brian's fine by the way. But my mental image of what was about to go down was nothing short of a hostage situation. I was going to get a call from handyman where the lives of my husband and son would be threatened unless I come home. I know, it's freaking stupid. I need to stop watching Law and Order SVU.

As far as I know the check is still taped to my door. If it's not picked up by the time I get home I'm getting this dude's mailing address and sending it and making that the end of this.

To be continued... I guess?

-----

I do understand that my paranoia is definitely out there. But I also understand that it's probably OK for me to feel this paranoia and go with my gut on some things that scare me. Going with my gut instincts might make me seem a little jittery but I'm going to err on the side of caution. I won't go to places by myself and I won't let any strangers in my house (political canvassers, JWs, and all service people be damned). It's OK to not answer the door if you don't know the person regardless of if you're home alone or feeling vulnerable.

This paranoia isn't making me so worried that I'm losing my ability to go outside or make me change my every day life. But really it just makes me think about how I can be safer as an obviously pregnant woman in this day and age.

Reasons for my paranoia:
http://swordandscale.com/sword-and-scale-episode-44/

http://www.allenbwest.com/2015/03/no-murder-charges-for-woman-who-cut-baby-out-of-womb/

http://nypost.com/2015/11/20/woman-kills-expectant-mom-cuts-fetus-out-of-her-body/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_abduction